January 9, 2019

So after two years of saying I should, writing guest spots for others, and contemplating things I’d like to talk about, I’ve decided to finally do it. I’m going to start blogging.  Why now, you ask? For a lot of reasons.

Every time I come up with a new idea for my classroom, inevitably someone posts a blog THAT DAY about it (I’m talking about you, @msbondsgotclass!).

Every time I read a new book or dig further into my doctoral research, ideas bounce around in my head and I want to talk about them with people who think educational pedagogy is as cool as I do (My family can only humor me for so long!).

But mostly I’ve decided to blog because I feel inadequate, and THAT needs to change. I teach 11th and 12th grade English, Yearbook, and College in the High School Composition 1 and 2 at a rural high school in South Central PA (and yeah, you should read the letters P-A when you read that!) I am involved in numerous professional associations like PAECT and PTAC. I’ve helped the indomitable Mrs. Autumn Zaminski create and run Adams County EdCamp.  I have presented at PETE&C and other local teacher conferences. I’m speaking with the fabulous Dr. Samantha Fecich at ISTE this year about the virtual co-op program she designed and I adore being a part of.  I “Ditched the Desks” in 2015, six months before Thomas Murray blogged about it.  I’m reading, reading, reading, and trying, trying, trying at every turn.  I’m game for new and exciting things to happen in my classroom, and I know that I’ve got a rap sheet of really awesome things I’ve tried and I’ve lead and yet . . .

And yet, every time I get on some social media platform, I see all of these incredible educators doing incredible things in their classrooms and with their incredible colleagues, and I look at my own classroom and think - I’m just not cutting it, for my students or myself. I’m just not doing enough.

Monte Syrie posts his amazing #MyRoomMessage feeds (which are incredible and EVERY educator should read them), and all I can think is, “Why can’t I come up with words like that?”   

And I feel like I can’t be the only teacher who feels this way. My incredible PLN is also my double-edged sword.

Jeff Frieden posted a blog about “2 Small Things Completely Changed How I View My Students,” where he asks his students to complete this prompt: “When it comes to this academic year in front of me, my #1 single biggest source of anxiety is…” I responded to him on Twitter that maybe educators need to respond to that, too, and that my biggest source of anxiety is feeling inadequate as an educator.

Social media and getting connected to like-minded educators across the globe is incredible. To be able to pick the brains of ANYONE and ANY TIME just with the click of a button has been an amazing resource. I don’t need any canned professional development when I’ve got the Twitterverse at my fingertips. But the downside is the constant pressure of feeling I have to perform at 110% and never slow down. My classroom mantra is #tryrinserepeat, and I’m so deep into growth mindset I dream about it, and yet - I still feel like I’m not enough.  I feel like if I slow down, I’ll miss something big and I’ll mess something (or worse, someone) up! It’s a lot of pressure on this veteran teacher. I can’t even begin to imagine the pressure a newer teacher must feel.

Right now I have a lot of things I’ve got to tackle that can’t wait, but I’ve realized that there are a lot of things I am doing that can wait. So after agonizing over all my feelings of anxiety and pressure and inadequacies, I’m taking a minute.  

A minute to think about what I need to do right now to be successful in my classroom.

A minute to enjoy the successes I know I’ve already had and watch what I’ve already put into motion bloom.

A minute to embrace the moments that make me smile as a teacher, a wife, a mother, a friend.

And I will continue to check my social media and to follow all of the educators I’ve talked about above and more because they are incredible teachers with outstanding ideas.  I suggest you check them out, too. But don’t feel bad if you don’t. We all need to decide how much we can each handle at our own pace for our own classrooms and, quite frankly, for our own sanity!

I will work on being the best me I can be, and, as Jeff Friedan reminded me, I am going to stop making comparisons and instead, just draw inspirations